Demetri Martin Funny Quote
“I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.” Demetri Martin, New York Magazine, October 3, 2005
Cicero on Philosophy
“There is nothing so absurd but some philosopher has said it.” Cicero, De Divinatione Roman author, orator, & politician (106 BC – 43 BC)
George Orwell on Society
“Society has always seemed to demand a little more from human beings than it will get in practice.” George Orwell
Lewis Thomas on Language
“The great thing about human language is that it prevents us from sticking to the matter at hand.” Lewis Thomas US author, biologist, physician (1913 – 1993)
Sir Barnett Cocks on Politics
“A committee is a cul-de-sac down which ideas are lured and then quietly strangled.” Sir Barnett Cocks (1907 – 1989)
Ellen Goodman on Journalism
“In journalism, there has always been a tension between getting it first and getting it right.” Ellen Goodman American journalist (1941 – )
George Carlin on Nature
“Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong.” George Carlin US comedian and actor (1937 – 2008)
Randall Jarrell on Children
“One of the most obvious facts about grownups to a child is that they have forgotten what it is like to be a child.” Randall Jarrell US author & poet (1914 – 1965)
Proverbs 15:17 on Love
“A simple meal with love is better than a feast where there is hatred.” Proverbs 15:17
Margaret Atwood on Love
“The Eskimo has fifty-two names for snow because it is important to them; there ought to be as many for love.” Margaret Atwood
Doug Larson on Work
“Accomplishing the impossible means only that the boss will add it to your regular duties.” Doug Larson
William Wrigley Jr. on Business
“When two men in business always agree, one of them is unnecessary.” William Wrigley Jr. US chewing gum industrialist (1861 – 1932)
Chinese Proverb on Wisdom
“He who asks is a fool for five minutes, but he who does not ask remains a fool forever.” Chinese Proverb
Mark Twain on Anger
“Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.” Mark Twain
T. S. Eliot on Humor
“Humor is also a way of saying something serious.” T. S. Eliot British (US-born) critic, dramatist & poet (1888 – 1965)
Anonymous on Character
“Watch your thoughts, for they become words. Watch your words, for they become actions. Watch your actions, for they become habits. Watch your habits, for they become character. Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.” Author unknown
Albert Einstein on Science & Religion
“Science without religion is lame, religion without science is blind.” Albert Einstein
Benjamin Franklin on Government
“There is no kind of dishonesty into which otherwise good people more easily and frequently fall than that of defrauding the government.” Benjamin Franklin US author, diplomat, inventor, physicist, politician, & printer (1706 – 1790)
Albert Einstein on Education
“I have no special talents. I am only passionately curious.” Albert Einstein
Honoré de Balzac on Love
“A woman knows the face of the man she loves as a sailor knows the open sea.” Honoré de Balzac
Hob Broun on Realism
“Realism… has no more to do with reality than anything else.” Hob Broun
Thomas A. Edison on Failure
“I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” Thomas A. Edison, (attributed) US inventor (1847 – 1931)
Marquis de Flers Robert and Arman de Caillavet on Democracy
“Democracy is the name we give the people whenever we need them.” Marquis de Flers Robert and Arman de Caillavet
Al McGuire on Politics
“I think the world is run by ‘C’ students.” Al McGuire
Doug Larson Cynical Quote
“A lot of people mistake a short memory for a clear conscience.” Doug Larson
Robert Service on Success
“Be master of your petty annoyances and conserve your energies for the big, worthwhile things. It isn’t the mountain ahead that wears you out – it’s the grain of sand in your shoe.” Robert Service
Rodney Dangerfield on Marriage
“I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.” Rodney Dangerfield US actor & comedian (1921 – 2004)
John F. Kennedy on Forgiveness
“Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.” John F. Kennedy
Benjamin Disraeli on Expectations
“What we anticipate seldom occurs; what we least expected generally happens.” Benjamin Disraeli British politician (1804 – 1881)
Sir Alec Issigonis Funny Quote
“A camel is a horse designed by a committee” Sir Alec Issigonis
Ronald Reagan on Government
“The nine most terrifying words in the English language are, ‘I’m from the government and I’m here to help.'” Ronald Reagan 40th president of US (1911 – 2004)
Lucius Annaeus Seneca on Anger
“Anger, if not restrained, is frequently more hurtful to us than the injury that provokes it.” Lucius Annaeus Seneca
Benjamin Franklin on Education
“Tell me and I forget. Teach me and I remember. Involve me and I learn.” Benjamin Franklin
Jean Paul Richter on Courage
“A timid person is frightened before a danger, a coward during the time, and a courageous person afterward.” Jean Paul Richter German author (1763 – 1825)
Edith Sitwell on Truth
“The public will believe anything, so long as it is not founded on truth.” Edith Sitwell English biographer, critic, novelist, & poet (1887 – 1964)
Anatole France on Life
“The average man, who does not know what to do with his life, wants another one which will last forever.” Anatole France French novelist (1844 – 1924)
Hobart Brown on Money and Happiness
“Money doesn’t always bring happiness. People with ten million dollars are no happier than people with nine million dollars.” Hobart Brown
Albert Einstein on God & Science
“God does not care about our mathematical difficulties. He integrates empirically.” Albert Einstein
Amos Bronson Alcott on Age
“To keep the heart unwrinkled, to be hopeful, kindly, cheerful, reverent that is to triumph over old age.” Amos Bronson Alcott
Patrick Young on Weather
“The trouble with weather forecasting is that it’s right too often for us to ignore it and wrong too often for us to rely on it.” Patrick Young
Galileo Galilei on Science
“All truths are easy to understand once they are discovered; the point is to discover them.” Galileo Galilei Italian astronomer & physicist (1564 – 1642)
Dan Rather on Americans
“Americans will put up with anything provided it doesn’t block traffic.” Dan Rather US television newscaster (1931 – )
David Russell on Life
“The hardest thing to learn in life is which bridge to cross and which to burn.” David Russell
Martin Luther King, Jr. on History
“We are not makers of history. We are made by history.” Martin Luther King, Jr.
R. Buckminster Fuller on Science
“Everything you’ve learned in school as ‘obvious’ becomes less and less obvious as you begin to study the universe. For example, there are no solids in the universe. There’s not even a suggestion of a solid. There are no absolute continuums. There are no surfaces. There are no straight lines.” R. Buckminster Fuller US architect & engineer (1895 – 1983)
John Stuart Mill on Happiness
“Ask yourself whether you are happy and you cease to be so.” John Stuart Mill English economist & philosopher (1806 – 1873)
Plutarch on Wisdom
“The mind is not a vessel to be filled but a fire to be kindled.” Plutarch
Abigail Van Buren on Society
“The less you talk, the more you’re listened to.” Abigail Van Buren
Ralph Waldo Emerson on Thoughts
“In every work of genius we recognize our own rejected thoughts; they come back to us with a certain alienated majesty.” Ralph Waldo Emerson, “Self Reliance” US essayist & poet (1803 – 1882)
Oscar Wilde on Society
“The public is wonderfully tolerant. It forgives everything except genius.” Oscar Wilde, The Critic as Artist, 1891 Irish dramatist, novelist, & poet (1854 – 1900)
