Funny
Harry S. Truman on Economy
“It’s a recession when your neighbor loses his job; it’s a depression when you lose yours.” Harry S. Truman, in Observer, April 13, 1958 33rd president of US (1884 – 1972)
Leo Rosten on Happiness
“Money can’t buy happiness, but neither can poverty.” Leo Rosten US (Polish-born) author (1908 – 1997)
Woody Allen on Life
“You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.” Woody Allen US movie actor, comedian, & director (1935 – )
Voltaire on Songs
“Anything too stupid to be said is sung.” Voltaire French author, humanist, rationalist, & satirist (1694 – 1778)
Thomas Szasz Cynical Quote
“Two wrongs don’t make a right, but they make a good excuse.” Thomas Szasz, The Second Sin (1973) “Social Relations”
Will Rogers Cynical Quote
“We don’t know what we want, but we are ready to bite somebody to get it.” Will Rogers US humorist & showman (1879 – 1935)
Sam Levenson on Wisdom
“You must learn from the mistakes of others. You can’t possibly live long enough to make them all yourself.” Sam Levenson (1911 – 1980)
Bob Hope on Sports
“If you watch a game, it’s fun. If you play at it, it’s recreation. If you work at it, it’s golf.” Bob Hope US (English-born) actor & comedian (1903 – 2003)
Ambrose Bierce Cynical Quote
“Quotation, n: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.” Ambrose Bierce, The Devil’s Dictionary US author & satirist (1842 – 1914)
Larry Hardiman on Politics
“The word ‘politics’ is derived from the word ‘poly’, meaning ‘many’, and the word ‘ticks’, meaning ‘blood sucking parasites’.” Larry Hardiman
Bertrand Russell on Books
“There are two motives for reading a book: one, that you enjoy it; the other, that you can boast about it.” Bertrand Russell British author, mathematician, & philosopher (1872 – 1970)
Virgil Thomson on Music
“The way to write American music is simple. All you have to do is be an American and then write any kind of music you wish.” Virgil Thomson US composer, conductor, & music critic (1896 – 1989)
Dave Barry on Argument
“I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don’t even invite me.” Dave Barry US columnist & humorist (1947 – )
Bill Watterson on Intelligent Life
“Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.” Bill Watterson, cartoonist, Calvin and Hobbes US cartoonist (1958 – )
A. A. Milne on Disorder
“One of the advantages of being disorderly is that one is constantly making exciting discoveries.” A. A. Milne English juvenile author (1882 – 1956)
L. M. Boyd Cynical Quote
“There are 350 varieties of shark, not counting loan and pool.” L. M. Boyd
Peter Ustinov on Money
“The only reason I made a commercial for American Express was to pay for my American Express bill.” Peter Ustinov English actor & author (1921 – 2004)
Marshall McLuhan’s Funny Quote
“I don’t necessarily agree with everything I say.” Marshall McLuhan Canadian author, educator, & philosopher (1911 – 1980)
Jay Leno Cynical Quote
“Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime. Teach a man to create an artificial shortage of fish and he will eat steak.” Jay Leno US comedian & television host (1950 – )
Oscar Wilde on Truth
“If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they’ll kill you.” Oscar Wilde Irish dramatist, novelist, & poet (1854 – 1900)
E. B. White on Planning
“I get up every morning determined to both change the world and have one hell of a good time. Sometimes this makes planning my day difficult.” E. B. White US author & humorist (1899 – 1985)
Elbert Hubbard on Journalism
“Editor: a person employed by a newspaper, whose business it is to separate the wheat from the chaff, and to see that the chaff is printed.” Elbert Hubbard US author (1856 – 1915)
Oscar Wilde on Business
“My own business always bores me to death; I prefer other people’s.” Oscar Wilde, Lady Windermere’s Fan, 1892 Irish dramatist, novelist, & poet (1854 – 1900)
Robert Benchley on Quotations
“The surest way to make a monkey of a man is to quote him.” Robert Benchley US actor, author, & humorist (1889 – 1945)
Anonymous on Power
“All power corrupts, but we need the electricity.” Unknown
Blore’s Razor
“Given a choice between two theories, take the one which is funnier.” Blore’s Razor
E. V. Lucas on Tardiness
“I have noticed that the people who are late are often so much jollier than the people who have to wait for them.” E. V. Lucas
Philip Johnson on Architecture
“Architecture is the art of how to waste space.” Philip Johnson US architect (1906 – 2005)
Helen Rowland on Marriage
“One man’s folly is another man’s wife.” Helen Rowland (1876 – 1950)
Mark Twain on Life
“When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.” Mark Twain US humorist, novelist, short story author (1835 – 1910)
Laurence J. Peter on Clutter
“If a cluttered desk is the sign of a cluttered mind, what is the significance of a clean desk?” Laurence J. Peter US educator & writer (1919 – 1988)
Ronald Reagan on Politics
“Politics is not a bad profession. If you succeed there are many rewards, if you disgrace yourself you can always write a book.” Ronald Reagan 40th president of US (1911 – 2004)
George Carlin on Freedom
“Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?” George Carlin US comedian and actor (1937 – 2008)
Oscar Wilde on Knowledge
“There are only two kinds of people who are really fascinating: people who know absolutely everything, and people who know absolutely nothing.” Oscar Wilde Irish dramatist, novelist, & poet (1854 – 1900)