Funny
Robert Heinlein on Progress
“Progress isn’t made by early risers. It’s made by lazy men trying to find easier ways to do something.”
T. S. Eliot on Humor
“Humor is also a way of saying something serious.”
Mark Twain on Life
“When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.”
Howard Scott on Business
“Criminal: A person with predatory instincts who has not sufficient capital to form a corporation.”
Bob Wells on Government
“For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.”
Socrates on Marriage
“My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you’ll be happy; if not, you’ll become a philosopher.”
Oscar Wilde Cynical Quote
“Arguments are to be avoided; they are always vulgar and often convincing.”
Charles De Gaulle on Politics
“How can you govern a country which has 246 varieties of cheese?”
Leo J. Burke on Children
“People who say they sleep like a baby usually don’t have one.”
Richard Brinsley Sheridan on Imagination
“He is indebted to his memory for his jests and to his imagination for his facts.”
Michel de Montaigne on Silliness
“No man is exempt from saying silly things; the mischief is to say them deliberately.”
H. L. Mencken on Humanity
“The capacity of human beings to bore one another seems to be vastly greater than that of any other animal.”
Woody Allen on Death
“I am not afraid of death, I just don’t want to be there when it happens.”
Voltaire on Boredom
“The secret of being a bore is to tell everything.”
Cullen Hightower on Knowledge
“Saying what we think gives us a wider conversational range than saying what we know.”
William S. Burroughs on Politics and Science Fiction
“After one look at this planet any visitor from outer space would say ‘I want to see the manager.’ “
Mark Twain Cynical Quote on Politics
“Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.”
Jeffery F. Chamberlain on America
“In a country as big as the United States, you can find fifty examples of anything.”
John Ciardi on Politics
“The Constitution gives every American the inalienable right to make a damn fool of himself.”
Ronald Reagan on Politics
“I have left orders to be awakened at any time in case of national emergency, even if I’m in a cabinet meeting.”
A. A. Milne on Disorder
“One of the advantages of being disorderly is that one is constantly making exciting discoveries.”
Samuel Goldwyn on Movies
“A wide screen just makes a bad film twice as bad.”
Fred Allen on Hollywood
“You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a firefly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer’s heart.”
Ogden Nash on Dogs
“A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.”
Will Rogers Cynical Quote
“Everything is funny as long as it is happening to Somebody Else.”