Funny
Arthur Schopenhauer Cynical Quote
“Every nation ridicules other nations, and all are right.”
An English Professor on Writing
“I am returning this otherwise good typing paper to you because someone has printed gibberish all over it and put your name at the top.”
Mark Twain on Lies
“There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics.”
Dave Barry on Sports
“Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face.”
Ambrose Bierce on Acquaintances
“Acquaintance, n.: A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.”
Thomas A. Edison on Failure
“I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”
Arnold Schwarzenegger on Movies
“I have a love interest in every one of my films – a gun”
Randall Jarrell on Children
“One of the most obvious facts about grownups to a child is that they have forgotten what it is like to be a child.”
Voltaire on Boredom
“The secret of being a bore is to tell everything.”
Robert Frost on Work
“The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.”
Ronald Reagan on Economy
“The government’s view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it.”
Daniel J. Boorstin on Greatness
“Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some hire public relations officers.”
Doug Larson on Language
“If the English language made any sense, a catastrophe would be an apostrophe with fur.”
John Ciardi on Politics
“The Constitution gives every American the inalienable right to make a damn fool of himself.”
Dwight D. Eisenhower on Television
“I can think of nothing more boring for the American people than to have to sit in their living rooms for a whole half hour looking at my face on their television screens.”
Amanda Cross on Quotations
“The point of quotations is that one can use another’s words to be insulting.”
Samuel Goldwyn on Writing
“I don’t think anyone should write their autobiography until after they’re dead.”
Leo Rosten on Happiness
“Money can’t buy happiness, but neither can poverty.”
Thomas Pickering on Archaeology vs. Diplomacy
“In archaeology you uncover the unknown. In diplomacy you cover the known.”
Rita Mae Brown on Computer Dating
“Computer dating is fine, if you’re a computer.”
Edward R. Murrow on TV
“When the politicians complain that TV turns the proceedings into a circus, it should be made clear that the circus was already there, and that TV has merely demonstrated that not all the performers are well trained.”
John Sladek on the Future
“The future, according to some scientists, will be exactly like the past, only far more expensive.”
Honoré de Balzac on Marriage
“A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.”
Gordon R. Dickson on Advice
“Some people like my advice so much that they frame it upon the wall instead of using it.”
Peter Ustinov on Humor
“Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.”