Cynical
David Broder on Politics
“Anybody who wants the presidency so much that he’ll spend two years organizing and campaigning for it is not to be trusted with the office.” David Broder
Dave Barry on Argument
“I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don’t even invite me.” Dave Barry US columnist & humorist (1947 – )
Bill Watterson on Intelligent Life
“Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.” Bill Watterson, cartoonist, Calvin and Hobbes US cartoonist (1958 – )
A. A. Milne on Disorder
“One of the advantages of being disorderly is that one is constantly making exciting discoveries.” A. A. Milne English juvenile author (1882 – 1956)
L. M. Boyd Cynical Quote
“There are 350 varieties of shark, not counting loan and pool.” L. M. Boyd
Stanislaw J. Lec on Patience
“You must first have a lot of patience to learn to have patience.” Stanislaw J. Lec, “Unkempt Thoughts” Polish writer (1909 – 1966)
Edward Abbey on Tyranny
“No tyranny is so irksome as petty tyranny: the officious demands of policemen, government clerks, and electromechanical gadgets.” Edward Abbey US radical environmentalist (1927 – 1989)
Jeff Marder Cynical Quote
“We live in an age when pizza gets to your home before the police.” Jeff Marder
Ambrose Bierce on Absurdity
“Absurdity, n.: A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one’s own opinion.” Ambrose Bierce, The Devil’s Dictionary US author & satirist (1842 – 1914)
Gertrude Stein on Information
“Everybody gets so much information all day long that they lose their common sense.” Gertrude Stein US author in France (1874 – 1946)
Marshall McLuhan’s Funny Quote
“I don’t necessarily agree with everything I say.” Marshall McLuhan Canadian author, educator, & philosopher (1911 – 1980)
Napoleon Bonaparte on Peace
“If they want peace, nations should avoid the pin-pricks that precede cannon shots.” Napoleon Bonaparte
Frank Gifford on Sports
“Pro football is like nuclear warfare. There are no winners, only survivors.” Frank Gifford
Jerry Seinfeld on Society
“A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking.” Jerry Seinfeld US comedian & television actor (1954 – )
Jay Leno Cynical Quote
“Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime. Teach a man to create an artificial shortage of fish and he will eat steak.” Jay Leno US comedian & television host (1950 – )
J. Bartlett Brebner on Politics
“Americans are benevolently ignorant about Canada, while Canadians are malevolently well informed about the United States.” J. Bartlett Brebner
Otto von Bismarck Cynical Quote
“When a man says he approves of something in principle, it means he hasn’t the slightest intention of putting it into practice.” Otto von Bismarck German Prussian politician (1815 – 1898)
Oscar Wilde on Truth
“If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they’ll kill you.” Oscar Wilde Irish dramatist, novelist, & poet (1854 – 1900)
Bertrand Russell on Happiness
“If there were in the world today any large number of people who desired their own happiness more than they desired the unhappiness of others, we could have paradise in a few years.” Bertrand Russell British author, mathematician, & philosopher (1872 – 1970)
E. V. Lucas on Tardiness
“I have noticed that the people who are late are often so much jollier than the people who have to wait for them.” E. V. Lucas
Lester J. Pourciau on Politics
“There is no monument dedicated to the memory of a committee.” Lester J. Pourciau
Blore’s Razor
“Given a choice between two theories, take the one which is funnier.” Blore’s Razor
Benjamin Franklin on Money
“Who is rich? He that is content. Who is that? Nobody.” Benjamin Franklin US author, diplomat, inventor, physicist, politician, & printer (1706 – 1790)
E. B. White on Planning
“I get up every morning determined to both change the world and have one hell of a good time. Sometimes this makes planning my day difficult.” E. B. White US author & humorist (1899 – 1985)
George Orwell on Language
“The great enemy of clear language is insincerity. When there is a gap between one’s real and one’s declared aims, one turns as it were instinctively to long words and exhausted idioms, like a cuttlefish spurting out ink.” George Orwell, “Politics and the English Language”, 1946 English essayist, novelist, & satirist (1903 – 1950)
Charles Peters on Politics
“Bureaucrats write memoranda both because they appear to be busy when they are writing and because the memos, once written, immediately become proof that they were busy.” Charles Peters
Margaret Millar Cynical Quote
“Most conversations are simply monologues delivered in the presence of witnesses.” Margaret Millar
John Russell on Sanity
“Sanity calms, but madness is more interesting.” John Russell
Robert Benchley on Quotations
“The surest way to make a monkey of a man is to quote him.” Robert Benchley US actor, author, & humorist (1889 – 1945)
Oscar Wilde on Business
“My own business always bores me to death; I prefer other people’s.” Oscar Wilde, Lady Windermere’s Fan, 1892 Irish dramatist, novelist, & poet (1854 – 1900)
Anonymous on Power
“All power corrupts, but we need the electricity.” Unknown
Elbert Hubbard on Journalism
“Editor: a person employed by a newspaper, whose business it is to separate the wheat from the chaff, and to see that the chaff is printed.” Elbert Hubbard US author (1856 – 1915)
Carl Becker on Humanity
“The significance of man is that he is insignificant and is aware of it.” Carl Becker