Cynical
W. L. George on War
“Wars teach us not to love our enemies, but to hate our allies.” W. L. George
George Bernard Shaw on History
“If history repeats itself, and the unexpected always happens, how incapable must Man be of learning from experience.” George Bernard Shaw Irish dramatist & socialist (1856 – 1950)
Euripides on Foolishness
“Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.” Euripides Greek tragic dramatist (484 BC – 406 BC)
H. L. Mencken on Humanity
“The capacity of human beings to bore one another seems to be vastly greater than that of any other animal.” H. L. Mencken US editor (1880 – 1956)
Douglas Adams on Politics
“Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job.” Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy English humorist & science fiction novelist (1952 – 2001)
Abraham Maslow on Problems
“If the only tool you have is a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail.” Abraham Maslow (1908 – 1970)
William Hazlitt on Humanity
“Man is the only animal that laughs and weeps, for he is the only animal that is struck with the difference between what things are and what they ought to be.” William Hazlitt English essayist (1778 – 1830)
H. L. Mencken Cynical Quote
“The men the American public admire most extravagantly are the most daring liars; the men they detest most violently are those who try to tell them the truth.” H. L. Mencken US editor (1880 – 1956)
George Santayana on Progress
“Those who speak most of progress measure it by quantity and not by quality.” George Santayana US (Spanish-born) philosopher (1863 – 1952)
H. L. Mencken on Politics
“Every decent man is ashamed of the government he lives under.” H. L. Mencken US editor (1880 – 1956)
Sir Barnett Cocks on Politics
“A committee is a cul-de-sac down which ideas are lured and then quietly strangled.” Sir Barnett Cocks (1907 – 1989)
Lewis Thomas on Language
“The great thing about human language is that it prevents us from sticking to the matter at hand.” Lewis Thomas US author, biologist, physician (1913 – 1993)
George Carlin on Nature
“Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong.” George Carlin US comedian and actor (1937 – 2008)
Ellen Goodman on Journalism
“In journalism, there has always been a tension between getting it first and getting it right.” Ellen Goodman American journalist (1941 – )
William Wrigley Jr. on Business
“When two men in business always agree, one of them is unnecessary.” William Wrigley Jr. US chewing gum industrialist (1861 – 1932)
Doug Larson on Work
“Accomplishing the impossible means only that the boss will add it to your regular duties.” Doug Larson
Hob Broun on Realism
“Realism… has no more to do with reality than anything else.” Hob Broun
Al McGuire on Politics
“I think the world is run by ‘C’ students.” Al McGuire
Marquis de Flers Robert and Arman de Caillavet on Democracy
“Democracy is the name we give the people whenever we need them.” Marquis de Flers Robert and Arman de Caillavet
Doug Larson Cynical Quote
“A lot of people mistake a short memory for a clear conscience.” Doug Larson
Benjamin Disraeli on Expectations
“What we anticipate seldom occurs; what we least expected generally happens.” Benjamin Disraeli British politician (1804 – 1881)
Sir Alec Issigonis Funny Quote
“A camel is a horse designed by a committee” Sir Alec Issigonis
Ronald Reagan on Government
“The nine most terrifying words in the English language are, ‘I’m from the government and I’m here to help.'” Ronald Reagan 40th president of US (1911 – 2004)
Edith Sitwell on Truth
“The public will believe anything, so long as it is not founded on truth.” Edith Sitwell English biographer, critic, novelist, & poet (1887 – 1964)
Hobart Brown on Money and Happiness
“Money doesn’t always bring happiness. People with ten million dollars are no happier than people with nine million dollars.” Hobart Brown
Patrick Young on Weather
“The trouble with weather forecasting is that it’s right too often for us to ignore it and wrong too often for us to rely on it.” Patrick Young
Dan Rather on Americans
“Americans will put up with anything provided it doesn’t block traffic.” Dan Rather US television newscaster (1931 – )
John Stuart Mill on Happiness
“Ask yourself whether you are happy and you cease to be so.” John Stuart Mill English economist & philosopher (1806 – 1873)
Oscar Wilde on Society
“The public is wonderfully tolerant. It forgives everything except genius.” Oscar Wilde, The Critic as Artist, 1891 Irish dramatist, novelist, & poet (1854 – 1900)
William James on Society
“A great many people think they are thinking when they are really rearranging their prejudices.” William James US Pragmatist philosopher & psychologist (1842 – 1910)
Ralph Waldo Emerson on Thoughts
“In every work of genius we recognize our own rejected thoughts; they come back to us with a certain alienated majesty.” Ralph Waldo Emerson, “Self Reliance” US essayist & poet (1803 – 1882)
William S. Burroughs on Politics and Science Fiction
“After one look at this planet any visitor from outer space would say ‘I want to see the manager.’ “ William S. Burroughs US author (1914 – 1997)
Georg Christoph Lichtenberg on Belief
“First there is a time when we believe everything, then for a little while we believe with discrimination, then we believe nothing whatever, and then we believe everything again – and, moreover, give reasons why we believe.” Georg Christoph Lichtenberg (1742 – 1799)
John Kenneth Galbraith Cynical Quote
“If all else fails, immortality can always be assured by spectacular error.” John Kenneth Galbraith US (Canadian-born) administrator & economist (1908 – 2006)
Henry Kissinger on Politics
“Ninety percent of the politicians give the other ten percent a bad reputation.” Henry Kissinger US (German-born) diplomat & scholar (1923 – )
Adam Osborne on Computers
“People think computers will keep them from making mistakes. They’re wrong. With computers you make mistakes faster.” Adam Osborne
Woody Allen on the Universe
“I’m astounded by people who want to ‘know’ the universe when it’s hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.” Woody Allen US movie actor, comedian, & director (1935 – )
Socrates on Marriage
“My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you’ll be happy; if not, you’ll become a philosopher.” Socrates
Ambrose Bierce on Acquaintances
“Acquaintance, n.: A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.” Ambrose Bierce, The Devil’s Dictionary US author & satirist (1842 – 1914)
Robert Frost on Law
“A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer.” Robert Frost, (attributed) US poet (1874 – 1963)
Fred Allen on Fame
“A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.” Fred Allen US radio comedian (1894 – 1956)
James F. Byrnes on Life
“Too many people are thinking of security instead of opportunity. They seem more afraid of life than death.” James F. Byrnes US jurist & politician (1879 – 1972)
Mogens Jallberg on Democracy vs. Feudalism
“In democracy it’s your vote that counts; In feudalism it’s your count that votes.” Mogens Jallberg
Laurence J. Peter on Ignorance
“Against logic there is no armor like ignorance.” Laurence J. Peter US educator & writer (1919 – 1988)
Henry Adams Cynical Quote
“No one means all he says, and yet very few say all they mean, for words are slippery and thought is viscous.” Henry Adams US author, autobiographer, & historian (1838 – 1918)
Rita Mae Brown on Computer Dating
“Computer dating is fine, if you’re a computer.” Rita Mae Brown US author and social activist
Dwight D. Eisenhower on Intellectuals
“An intellectual is a man who takes more words than necessary to tell more than he knows.” Dwight D. Eisenhower 34th president of US 1953-1961 (1890 – 1969)
Lucille S. Harper Cynical Quote
“The nice thing about egotists is that they don’t talk about other people.” Lucille S. Harper
Ambrose Bierce on Politeness
“Politeness, n. The most acceptable hypocrisy.” Ambrose Bierce, The Devil’s Dictionary US author & satirist (1842 – 1914)
Samuel Goldwyn on Writing
“I don’t think anyone should write their autobiography until after they’re dead.” Samuel Goldwyn US (Polish-born) movie producer (1882 – 1974)
Leo J. Burke on Children
“People who say they sleep like a baby usually don’t have one.” Leo J. Burke
Nikola Tesla on Scientists
“The scientists of today think deeply instead of clearly. One must be sane to think clearly, but one can think deeply and be quite insane.” Nikola Tesla, Modern Mechanics and Inventions. July, 1934 US (Serbian-born) electrical inventor (1857 – 1943)
Peter McArthur on Satirists
“A satirist is a man who discovers unpleasant things about himself and then says them about other people.” Peter McArthur
Robert Frost on Life
“In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: it goes on.” Robert Frost US poet (1874 – 1963)
Caskie Stinnett on Diplomacy
“A diplomat… is a person who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.” Caskie Stinnett, Out of the Red (1960)
Andrew W. Mathis on Luck
“It is bad luck to be superstitious.” Andrew W. Mathis
Hodding Carter on Television
“Television news is like a lightning flash. It makes a loud noise, lights up everything around it, leaves everything else in darkness and then is suddenly gone.” Hodding Carter
Glaser and Way on Law
“The problem with any unwritten law is that you don’t know where to go to erase it.” Glaser and Way
John Kenneth Galbraith on Thinking
“The conventional view serves to protect us from the painful job of thinking.” John Kenneth Galbraith US (Canadian-born) administrator & economist (1908 – 2006)
John Lehman on Power
“Power corrupts. Absolute power is kind of neat.” John Lehman, Secretary of the Navy, 1981-1987 US administrator (1942 – )