Cynical
Virgil Thomson on Music
“The way to write American music is simple. All you have to do is be an American and then write any kind of music you wish.” Virgil Thomson US composer, conductor, & music critic (1896 – 1989)
Ronald Reagan Cynical Quote
“The best minds are not in government. If any were, business would hire them away.” Ronald Reagan 40th president of US (1911 – 2004)
Gilbert K. Chesterton on Adventure
“An adventure is only an inconvenience rightly considered. An inconvenience is an adventure wrongly considered.” Gilbert K. Chesterton English author & mystery novelist (1874 – 1936)
W. Somerset Maugham Cynical Quote
“I always find it more difficult to say the things I mean than the things I don’t.” W. Somerset Maugham, The Painted Veil, 1925 English dramatist & novelist (1874 – 1965)
Don Marquis on Work
“When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: ‘Whose?'” Don Marquis US humorist (1878 – 1937)
David Broder on Politics
“Anybody who wants the presidency so much that he’ll spend two years organizing and campaigning for it is not to be trusted with the office.” David Broder
Dave Barry on Argument
“I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don’t even invite me.” Dave Barry US columnist & humorist (1947 – )
Bill Watterson on Intelligent Life
“Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.” Bill Watterson, cartoonist, Calvin and Hobbes US cartoonist (1958 – )
A. A. Milne on Disorder
“One of the advantages of being disorderly is that one is constantly making exciting discoveries.” A. A. Milne English juvenile author (1882 – 1956)
L. M. Boyd Cynical Quote
“There are 350 varieties of shark, not counting loan and pool.” L. M. Boyd
Stanislaw J. Lec on Patience
“You must first have a lot of patience to learn to have patience.” Stanislaw J. Lec, “Unkempt Thoughts” Polish writer (1909 – 1966)
Edward Abbey on Tyranny
“No tyranny is so irksome as petty tyranny: the officious demands of policemen, government clerks, and electromechanical gadgets.” Edward Abbey US radical environmentalist (1927 – 1989)
Jeff Marder Cynical Quote
“We live in an age when pizza gets to your home before the police.” Jeff Marder
Ambrose Bierce on Absurdity
“Absurdity, n.: A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one’s own opinion.” Ambrose Bierce, The Devil’s Dictionary US author & satirist (1842 – 1914)
Gertrude Stein on Information
“Everybody gets so much information all day long that they lose their common sense.” Gertrude Stein US author in France (1874 – 1946)
Marshall McLuhan’s Funny Quote
“I don’t necessarily agree with everything I say.” Marshall McLuhan Canadian author, educator, & philosopher (1911 – 1980)
Napoleon Bonaparte on Peace
“If they want peace, nations should avoid the pin-pricks that precede cannon shots.” Napoleon Bonaparte
Frank Gifford on Sports
“Pro football is like nuclear warfare. There are no winners, only survivors.” Frank Gifford
Jerry Seinfeld on Society
“A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking.” Jerry Seinfeld US comedian & television actor (1954 – )
Jay Leno Cynical Quote
“Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime. Teach a man to create an artificial shortage of fish and he will eat steak.” Jay Leno US comedian & television host (1950 – )
J. Bartlett Brebner on Politics
“Americans are benevolently ignorant about Canada, while Canadians are malevolently well informed about the United States.” J. Bartlett Brebner
Otto von Bismarck Cynical Quote
“When a man says he approves of something in principle, it means he hasn’t the slightest intention of putting it into practice.” Otto von Bismarck German Prussian politician (1815 – 1898)
Oscar Wilde on Truth
“If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they’ll kill you.” Oscar Wilde Irish dramatist, novelist, & poet (1854 – 1900)
Bertrand Russell on Happiness
“If there were in the world today any large number of people who desired their own happiness more than they desired the unhappiness of others, we could have paradise in a few years.” Bertrand Russell British author, mathematician, & philosopher (1872 – 1970)
E. V. Lucas on Tardiness
“I have noticed that the people who are late are often so much jollier than the people who have to wait for them.” E. V. Lucas
Lester J. Pourciau on Politics
“There is no monument dedicated to the memory of a committee.” Lester J. Pourciau
Philip Johnson on Architecture
“Architecture is the art of how to waste space.” Philip Johnson US architect (1906 – 2005)
Mark Twain on Life
“When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.” Mark Twain US humorist, novelist, short story author (1835 – 1910)
Aldous Huxley on Improvement
“There is only one corner of the universe you can be certain of improving, and that’s your own self.” Aldous Huxley
Poul Anderson on Problems
“I have yet to see any problem, however complicated, which, when you looked at it in the right way, did not become still more complicated.” Poul Anderson US science fiction author (1926 – 2001)
Russell Baker on Misery
“Misery no longer loves company. Nowadays it insists on it.” Russell Baker US columnist & journalist (1925 – )
Blore’s Razor
“Given a choice between two theories, take the one which is funnier.” Blore’s Razor
Thomas Merton on Education
“The least of learning is done in the classrooms.” Thomas Merton US religious author, clergyman, & Trappist monk (1915 – 1968)-
Gordon R. Dickson on Advice
“Some people like my advice so much that they frame it upon the wall instead of using it.” Gordon R. Dickson
Benjamin Franklin on Money
“Who is rich? He that is content. Who is that? Nobody.” Benjamin Franklin US author, diplomat, inventor, physicist, politician, & printer (1706 – 1790)
E. B. White on Planning
“I get up every morning determined to both change the world and have one hell of a good time. Sometimes this makes planning my day difficult.” E. B. White US author & humorist (1899 – 1985)
George Orwell on Language
“The great enemy of clear language is insincerity. When there is a gap between one’s real and one’s declared aims, one turns as it were instinctively to long words and exhausted idioms, like a cuttlefish spurting out ink.” George Orwell, “Politics and the English Language”, 1946 English essayist, novelist, & satirist (1903 – 1950)
Louise Beal on Society
“Love thy neighbour as yourself, but choose your neighbourhood.” Louise Beal
Jose Marti on Suffering
“Man has to suffer. When he has no real afflictions, he invents some.” Jose Marti
Harry S Truman Cynical Quote
“If you cannot convince them, confuse them.” Harry S Truman 33rd president of US (1884 – 1972)
Fran Lebowitz on Success
“Success didn’t spoil me, I’ve always been insufferable.” Fran Lebowitz US writer and humorist (1950 – )
Oscar Wilde on Wisdom
“Only the shallow know themselves.” Oscar Wilde, “Phrases and Philosophies for the Use of the Young”, 1882 Irish dramatist, novelist, & poet (1854 – 1900)
Douglas Adams on the Universe
“There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.” Douglas Adams English humorist & science fiction novelist (1952 – 2001)
Paul Valery on Books
“Books have the same enemies as people: fire, humidity, animals, weather, and their own content.” Paul Valery French critic & poet (1871 – 1945)
Charles Peters on Politics
“Bureaucrats write memoranda both because they appear to be busy when they are writing and because the memos, once written, immediately become proof that they were busy.” Charles Peters
H. L. Mencken on Age & Wisdom
“The older I grow the more I distrust the familiar doctrine that age brings wisdom.” H. L. Mencken US editor (1880 – 1956)
John Madden on Sports
“The fewer rules a coach has, the fewer rules there are for players to break.” John Madden
Jerome K. Jerome on Work
“I like work: it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.” Jerome K. Jerome, “Three Men in a Boat”, 1889 British humor writer (1859 – 1927)
Friedrich Nietzsche’s Cynical Quote
“Talking much about oneself can also be a means to conceal oneself.” Friedrich Nietzsche German philosopher (1844 – 1900)
Eugene McCarthy on Politics
“It is dangerous for a national candidate to say things that people might remember.” Eugene McCarthy US politician (1916 – 2005)