Cynical
Lynda Barry on Love
“Love is an exploding cigar we willingly smoke.” Lynda Barry
Will Rogers on Ignorance
“You know everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects.” Will Rogers, New York Times Aug. 31 1924 US humorist & showman (1879 – 1935)
Don Marquis on Procrastination
“Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.” Don Marquis US humorist (1878 – 1937)
Peter Kreeft on Hell
“The national anthem of Hell is ‘I did it my way’.” Peter Kreeft
Stephen Covey on Problems
“The way we see the problem is the problem.” Stephen Covey
Napoleon Bonaparte on Politics
“He who knows how to flatter also knows how to slander.” Napoleon Bonaparte
Judith Martin on Conversation
“Let us make a special effort to stop communicating with each other, so we can have some conversation.” Judith Martin, (Miss Manners)
Francois de La Rochefoucauld on Agreement
“We rarely think people have good sense unless they agree with us.” Francois de La Rochefoucauld, Maximes (1678) French author & moralist (1613 – 1680)
Galileo Galilei on Ignorance
“I have never met a man so ignorant that I couldn’t learn something from him.” Galileo Galilei Italian astronomer & physicist (1564 – 1642)
W. L. George on War
“Wars teach us not to love our enemies, but to hate our allies.” W. L. George
Euripides on Foolishness
“Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.” Euripides Greek tragic dramatist (484 BC – 406 BC)
H. L. Mencken on Humanity
“The capacity of human beings to bore one another seems to be vastly greater than that of any other animal.” H. L. Mencken US editor (1880 – 1956)
George Bernard Shaw on History
“If history repeats itself, and the unexpected always happens, how incapable must Man be of learning from experience.” George Bernard Shaw Irish dramatist & socialist (1856 – 1950)
Douglas Adams on Politics
“Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job.” Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy English humorist & science fiction novelist (1952 – 2001)
Abraham Maslow on Problems
“If the only tool you have is a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail.” Abraham Maslow (1908 – 1970)
William Hazlitt on Humanity
“Man is the only animal that laughs and weeps, for he is the only animal that is struck with the difference between what things are and what they ought to be.” William Hazlitt English essayist (1778 – 1830)
George Santayana on Progress
“Those who speak most of progress measure it by quantity and not by quality.” George Santayana US (Spanish-born) philosopher (1863 – 1952)
H. L. Mencken Cynical Quote
“The men the American public admire most extravagantly are the most daring liars; the men they detest most violently are those who try to tell them the truth.” H. L. Mencken US editor (1880 – 1956)
H. L. Mencken on Politics
“Every decent man is ashamed of the government he lives under.” H. L. Mencken US editor (1880 – 1956)
Lewis Thomas on Language
“The great thing about human language is that it prevents us from sticking to the matter at hand.” Lewis Thomas US author, biologist, physician (1913 – 1993)
Sir Barnett Cocks on Politics
“A committee is a cul-de-sac down which ideas are lured and then quietly strangled.” Sir Barnett Cocks (1907 – 1989)
Ellen Goodman on Journalism
“In journalism, there has always been a tension between getting it first and getting it right.” Ellen Goodman American journalist (1941 – )
George Carlin on Nature
“Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong.” George Carlin US comedian and actor (1937 – 2008)
Doug Larson on Work
“Accomplishing the impossible means only that the boss will add it to your regular duties.” Doug Larson
William Wrigley Jr. on Business
“When two men in business always agree, one of them is unnecessary.” William Wrigley Jr. US chewing gum industrialist (1861 – 1932)
Hob Broun on Realism
“Realism… has no more to do with reality than anything else.” Hob Broun
Marquis de Flers Robert and Arman de Caillavet on Democracy
“Democracy is the name we give the people whenever we need them.” Marquis de Flers Robert and Arman de Caillavet
Al McGuire on Politics
“I think the world is run by ‘C’ students.” Al McGuire
Doug Larson Cynical Quote
“A lot of people mistake a short memory for a clear conscience.” Doug Larson
Benjamin Disraeli on Expectations
“What we anticipate seldom occurs; what we least expected generally happens.” Benjamin Disraeli British politician (1804 – 1881)
Sir Alec Issigonis Funny Quote
“A camel is a horse designed by a committee” Sir Alec Issigonis
Ronald Reagan on Government
“The nine most terrifying words in the English language are, ‘I’m from the government and I’m here to help.'” Ronald Reagan 40th president of US (1911 – 2004)
Edith Sitwell on Truth
“The public will believe anything, so long as it is not founded on truth.” Edith Sitwell English biographer, critic, novelist, & poet (1887 – 1964)
Hobart Brown on Money and Happiness
“Money doesn’t always bring happiness. People with ten million dollars are no happier than people with nine million dollars.” Hobart Brown
Patrick Young on Weather
“The trouble with weather forecasting is that it’s right too often for us to ignore it and wrong too often for us to rely on it.” Patrick Young
Dan Rather on Americans
“Americans will put up with anything provided it doesn’t block traffic.” Dan Rather US television newscaster (1931 – )
John Stuart Mill on Happiness
“Ask yourself whether you are happy and you cease to be so.” John Stuart Mill English economist & philosopher (1806 – 1873)
Ralph Waldo Emerson on Thoughts
“In every work of genius we recognize our own rejected thoughts; they come back to us with a certain alienated majesty.” Ralph Waldo Emerson, “Self Reliance” US essayist & poet (1803 – 1882)
Oscar Wilde on Society
“The public is wonderfully tolerant. It forgives everything except genius.” Oscar Wilde, The Critic as Artist, 1891 Irish dramatist, novelist, & poet (1854 – 1900)
William James on Society
“A great many people think they are thinking when they are really rearranging their prejudices.” William James US Pragmatist philosopher & psychologist (1842 – 1910)
Georg Christoph Lichtenberg on Belief
“First there is a time when we believe everything, then for a little while we believe with discrimination, then we believe nothing whatever, and then we believe everything again – and, moreover, give reasons why we believe.” Georg Christoph Lichtenberg (1742 – 1799)
John Kenneth Galbraith Cynical Quote
“If all else fails, immortality can always be assured by spectacular error.” John Kenneth Galbraith US (Canadian-born) administrator & economist (1908 – 2006)
William S. Burroughs on Politics and Science Fiction
“After one look at this planet any visitor from outer space would say ‘I want to see the manager.’ “ William S. Burroughs US author (1914 – 1997)
Adam Osborne on Computers
“People think computers will keep them from making mistakes. They’re wrong. With computers you make mistakes faster.” Adam Osborne
Henry Kissinger on Politics
“Ninety percent of the politicians give the other ten percent a bad reputation.” Henry Kissinger US (German-born) diplomat & scholar (1923 – )
Woody Allen on the Universe
“I’m astounded by people who want to ‘know’ the universe when it’s hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.” Woody Allen US movie actor, comedian, & director (1935 – )
Socrates on Marriage
“My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you’ll be happy; if not, you’ll become a philosopher.” Socrates
Ambrose Bierce on Acquaintances
“Acquaintance, n.: A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.” Ambrose Bierce, The Devil’s Dictionary US author & satirist (1842 – 1914)
Fred Allen on Fame
“A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.” Fred Allen US radio comedian (1894 – 1956)
Robert Frost on Law
“A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer.” Robert Frost, (attributed) US poet (1874 – 1963)