Cynical
William Shakespeare on Honesty
“Though I am not naturally honest, I am so sometimes by chance.” William Shakespeare Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 – 1616)
Mark Twain on Truth
“Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities. Truth isn’t.” Mark Twain US humorist, novelist, short story author, & wit (1835 – 1910)
Robert Heinlein on Progress
“Progress isn’t made by early risers. It’s made by lazy men trying to find easier ways to do something.” Robert Heinlein, Time Enough For Love US science fiction author (1907 – 1988)
Robert Copeland on Committees
“To get something done, a committee should consist of no more than three men, two of whom are absent.” Robert Copeland
Will Rogers on Doctors
“The best doctor in the world is the veterinarian. He can’t ask his patients what is the matter-he’s got to just know.” Will Rogers US humorist & showman (1879 – 1935)
George Carlin on Freedom
“Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?” George Carlin US comedian and actor (1937 – 2008)
Ronald Reagan on Politics
“Politics is not a bad profession. If you succeed there are many rewards, if you disgrace yourself you can always write a book.” Ronald Reagan 40th president of US (1911 – 2004)
Benjamin Franklin on Secrets
“Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead.” Benjamin Franklin US author, diplomat, inventor, physicist, politician, & printer (1706 – 1790)
William Feather on Business
“A budget tells us what we can’t afford, but it doesn’t keep us from buying it.” William Feather
George Bernard Shaw on Politics
“Democracy is a device that ensures we shall be governed no better than we deserve.” George Bernard Shaw Irish dramatist & socialist (1856 – 1950)
Robert Bakker on Taxes
“I want to find a voracious, small-minded predator and name it after the IRS.” Robert Bakker, paleontologist
John Sladek on the Future
“The future, according to some scientists, will be exactly like the past, only far more expensive.” John Sladek
Alfred Hitchcock on Media
“Seeing a murder on television… can help work off one’s antagonisms. And if you haven’t any antagonisms, the commercials will give you some.” Alfred Hitchcock British movie director (1899 – 1980)
Thomas Sowell on Truth
“There are only two ways of telling the complete truth–anonymously and posthumously.” Thomas Sowell (1930 – )
Bertrand Russell on Politics
“There is no nonsense so arrant that it cannot be made the creed of the vast majority by adequate governmental action.” Bertrand Russell British author, mathematician, & philosopher (1872 – 1970)
Mark Twain on Procrastination
“Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.” Mark Twain US humorist, novelist, short story author, & wit (1835 – 1910)
Alfred North Whitehead on Dogs and Cats
“If a dog jumps in your lap, it is because he is fond of you; but if a cat does the same thing, it is because your lap is warmer.” Alfred North Whitehead English mathematician & philosopher (1861 – 1947)
Heywood Broun on Atheism
“Nobody talks so constantly about God as those who insist that there is no God.” Heywood Broun US journalist (1888 – 1939)
Jules Renard on Literature
“Literature is an occupation in which you have to keep proving your talent to people who have none.” Jules Renard (1864 – 1910)
Laurence J. Peter on Clutter
“If a cluttered desk is the sign of a cluttered mind, what is the significance of a clean desk?” Laurence J. Peter US educator & writer (1919 – 1988)
Bob Hope on Money
“A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.” Bob Hope
George Bernard Shaw on Experience
“We learn from experience that men never learn anything from experience.” George Bernard Shaw
Robert Louis Stevenson on Life
“Perpetual devotion to what a man calls his business, is only to be sustained by perpetual neglect of many other things.” Robert Louis Stevenson Scottish author (1850 – 1894)
John Russell on Sanity
“Sanity calms, but madness is more interesting.” John Russell
Doug Larson on Children
“Few things are more satisfying than seeing your own children have teenagers of their own.” Doug Larson
Cullen Hightower on Mistakes
“Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own life. Laughing at someone else’s can shorten it.” Cullen Hightower
Edward Gibbon on History
“History is indeed little more than the register of the crimes, follies and misfortunes of mankind.” Edward Gibbon English historian of Rome (1737 – 1794)
Harry S. Truman on Economy
“It’s a recession when your neighbor loses his job; it’s a depression when you lose yours.” Harry S. Truman, in Observer, April 13, 1958 33rd president of US (1884 – 1972)
Albert Einstein on Future
“I never think of the future – it comes soon enough.” Albert Einstein US (German-born) physicist (1879 – 1955)
Leo Rosten on Happiness
“Money can’t buy happiness, but neither can poverty.” Leo Rosten US (Polish-born) author (1908 – 1997)
Henry Ford on Idealism
“An idealist is a person who helps other people to be prosperous.” Henry Ford US automobile industrialist (1863 – 1947)
Thomas Szasz on Life
“The proverb warns that ‘You should not bite the hand that feeds you.’ But maybe you should, if it prevents you from feeding yourself.” Thomas Szasz
Doug Larson on Age
“The surprising thing about young fools is how many survive to become old fools.” Doug Larson
Mark Twain on Patriotism
“Patriotism is supporting your country all the time, and your government when it deserves it.” Mark Twain
Voltaire on Songs
“Anything too stupid to be said is sung.” Voltaire French author, humanist, rationalist, & satirist (1694 – 1778)
Otto von Bismarck on Law
“Laws are like sausages. It’s better not to see them being made.” Otto von Bismarck German Prussian politician (1815 – 1898)
Woody Allen on Life
“You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.” Woody Allen US movie actor, comedian, & director (1935 – )
Frank Dane on Politics
“Get all the fools on your side and you can be elected to anything.” Frank Dane
Thomas Szasz Cynical Quote
“Two wrongs don’t make a right, but they make a good excuse.” Thomas Szasz, The Second Sin (1973) “Social Relations”
Aldous Huxley on Humanity
“Most human beings have an almost infinite capacity for taking things for granted.” Aldous Huxley English critic & novelist (1894 – 1963)
Will Rogers Cynical Quote
“We don’t know what we want, but we are ready to bite somebody to get it.” Will Rogers US humorist & showman (1879 – 1935)
George Bernard Shaw on Democracy
“Democracy substitutes election by the incompetent many for appointment by the corrupt few.” George Bernard Shaw, Man and Superman (1903) “Maxims for Revolutionists” Irish dramatist & socialist (1856 – 1950)
Jerome K. Jerome on Laziness
“It is impossible to enjoy idling thoroughly unless one has plenty of work to do.” Jerome K. Jerome British humor writer (1859 – 1927)
George Bernard on Cynicism
“The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it.” George Bernard Shaw Irish dramatist & socialist (1856 – 1950)
Marilyn Monroe on Hollywood
“Hollywood is a place where they’ll pay you a thousand dollars for a kiss and fifty cents for your soul.” Marilyn Monroe US actress (1926 – 1962)
Margaret Millar Cynical Quote
“Most conversations are simply monologues delivered in the presence of witnesses.” Margaret Millar
Sam Levenson on Wisdom
“You must learn from the mistakes of others. You can’t possibly live long enough to make them all yourself.” Sam Levenson (1911 – 1980)
Helen Rowland on Marriage
“One man’s folly is another man’s wife.” Helen Rowland (1876 – 1950)
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe on Ideas
“When ideas fail, words come in very handy.” Johann Wolfgang von Goethe German dramatist, novelist, poet, & scientist (1749 – 1832)
Ambrose Bierce Philosophical Quote
“Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum (I think that I think, therefore I think that I am.)” Ambrose Bierce, The Devil’s Dictionary US author & satirist (1842 – 1914)